ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
