U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
