I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
