mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
