Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
