I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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