wanna go halves on a baby?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
so much tequila, so little girl.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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