this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
