dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
