so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize