....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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