im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
