I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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