How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
