I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
