john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
