JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
