DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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