the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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