Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
