He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
