My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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