were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
