He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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