then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
