I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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