You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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