The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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