my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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