You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
