I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
