I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
