I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I skipped work to stalk him.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
