you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
