Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
