My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
