This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
