I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
