Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
