need another drink. this is the easiest way
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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