Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
