i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
