dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
