im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
