How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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