I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
