I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
