Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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