It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I could make wine with my vomit
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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