Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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