the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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