Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
