So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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