You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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