things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
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Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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