this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
