Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize