Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away