she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed