If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.