I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?