Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked