The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He passed out mid-signature
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.