Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
