guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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