Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
